Bryan Grueneberg

What the fruit!?!?!

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 08:15:56 GMT

Alright, so I'm like bored as heck right now waiting for it to be 4:30 cause I'm extremely impatient right now and I just want to get this thing over and done with. Good gosh, it isn't even like I'm tired one bit, I'm just bored! I have nothing to do right now and it is driving me nuts. I just want to go and hopefully get hired! HAHA, how they going to turn down a guy like me anyways, honestly. I shouldn't even have to do this interview. I should just be able to walk in and be like, "Just hire me dude! You can count on me!" And all he/she would have to say is alright, okay, whatever, you're hired! And I could go back home and sit on my butt some more cause it wouldn't be worth going to sleep cause school would be in a few hours anyways. GRRRRRRRR........... They are lucky I have nothing to do in school tomorrow, but I know right now that this day is going to blow. Gosh, the only good thing I have to say is that I get to dress up for this and DAMN AM I A STUD! haha! That's right!
Alright, whatever, this was just suppose to give me something to DOOOOO! good night, good morning, see you soon I'm sure! Bubyes!

What the fruit is on my mind?

Mon, 30 May 2005 08:38:13 GMT

Well tonight was a fairly good night........ I had few friends come over, played some cards, won some money, all in all it was a good night...........
I swear, I love having the fellows over, haha, so much fun. Act like a bunch of drunken idiots. Thank god tho the day is finally over. After two games of texas' hold em, holy crap does the day seem like it takes forever. Heck my friends just left right now basically at 2 in the fruity tuity morning. Stupid pigs ate all my food too! I have nothing to eat now to keep me awake.
Actually, I'm having a bit of fun with a video camera right now. I've been video taping my friends a lil and right now I'm just video taping myself. I'm so tired that I'll probably forget what the heck I talked about tonight, so I'll play this thing tomorrow morning and see how much of an idiot I am during the night.
Perhaps I'll take this thing out with me when I run one night. It is always fun listening to the things I talk about to myself. I would have to say, it is quite interesting. I talk to myself alot! And about all sorts of things, since I don't really have many friends to talk to at like 2 or 3 in the morning. A normal person would be sleeping right now, but you know what, I just can't sleep with so much on my mind. I need that one person to talk to, just to be able and say everything that is on my mind at that exact minute.
Grrrrrrrrrr.............. I'm still so tired, I don't have it in my to go for my record just yet. Six days without sleep and I'm only at three......... And I'm just now starting to really fall asleep, not happening, but one day I'm telling you. I'm going to break my record, I know I am.......... Want to know how I know I am going to break my record, because I have a feeling my heart to going to be broken very soon or I'm just going to break it myself, if not soon, it will sometime and yeah....... That six day record won't have a chance in hell!
Gosh, I need something to do with my spare time. I hope I get my job soon. I applied to work during the hours of 3 to 9.......... In the morning, hehe, all because I don't sleep and it would give me something to do. Heck I would apply from midnight to 9 in the morning, but nah, that's just crazy! hehe! And I like crazy!
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm............... Alright, I think I'm done for now, not too much to say you know..... I kind of want to talk more, but I don't have it in me right now, poo :( so good night or good morning, whatever for now, bubyes

I'm soooo silly!

Sun, 22 May 2005 22:35:08 GMT

Alright, so there is this girl......... right? Her name......... well its a secret for now. But about this girl. She funny, sweet, athletic, smart and has an ass and a smile like no other, DAMN......! you know, she's the type of girl you would want to be with, right? Well of course you would want to be with her silly. Hehe, duh!?!?!
Anywho, I don't know where I was going with that...... just wanted to say a little something about her to make her feel oh so special cause I luv the girl very much...... even those I'm a creepy, scary, weirdo, loser type person to her, but that's okay...... I still got to luv her.
Gosh, I haven't updated this thing in like months, two months to be exact. What the heck have I been doing...........? Good question, I've been doing a whole lot of nothing to be honest. NOTHING! That's just figures to you know, I do a whole lot of nothing. Track sucked! I mean I did good and all, but it is just not my thing, but 21ft 3in as a PR for a sport that I don't do, that's pretty good!
So yeah, I skipped out on prom....... My senior year of prom and I skipped out on it........... YES! Good for me...........! no no no, I'm just kidding. I don't know, I'm just one who goes to things like that. Can't really explain it. All I'm thinking about is the two last weeks of school for me........ Then it is off to Carthage College for me, oh joy! Where I hope to succeed in.......... nothing! haha, besides sports. I swear, if I don't do well in sports there (soccer and basketball), I'm going to hate it. As for this summer, I don't know what I'll be doing to tell you the truth...... I hope my parents let me go anywhere I want, cause I've been patient with them....... They keep telling me or sure bryan you can go where ever you want once you're done with high school. I better be able to or else I'll go crazy! alright well I don't know, haven't done one of these in sooo long, don't know what to talk about. I'll be more up to date with this thing from now on....... talk to you later people, bubyes

Lets See

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 11:02:50 GMT

Did I mention before how much my head hurt? Yeah, well if I didn't get my point through that time..... I'm trying again this time.............. MY FRUITY TUITY HEAD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~signs~~ I still can't sleep, I just got done playing 3 hours worth of halo 2 online. Fun stuff......... Not really, I rather have a puzzle right now, but still, whatever keeps me busy, right? Who needs sleep anyways............ Oh yeah, I kind of do sometimes you know right when I start running after school. I meant to ask who needs sleep for school. HAHA, not me I say, I never sleep for school. No no no. I'll sleep during sleep or I just won't do anything during school. I don't know how I'm passing any of my classes. I don't do anything, ever! Yay for getting good grades without trying!
Well I'm not going to go to sleep anytime soon, too late now, I'll only kill myself if I fall asleep by not wanting to wake up at all. So I'll just see you soon! ;)

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 08:19:18 GMT

Oh gosh can I not sleep right now........... I don't even know what's wrong with me right now, but there is something wrong. I haven't been able to sleep in forever. I'm just glad that spring break is coming. I'm not going to be doing anything, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to make time for my midnight runs because I really need something to clear my head. I so would go right now, but I want to have somewhere to run to. So how about someone give me somewhere to run to during the night. Give me a day and I'll be there no matter how far you live, I'll still be there. Or heck, if you want to run with me, let me know and I'll come get you and we can run together, but you better be able to keep up because I don't really get tired...... All the energy stored up in this person. One of the reasons why I don't sleep, too much darn energy in me....... I need to relax sometime soon or else I'm going to be dead soon. Heck, I'm pretty much dead right now. After we ran for track Mr. Johnson asked me how I was..... I said I was just dandy and he's like, "Grueneberg, you look miserable." Yeah, he wouldn't be too far off of being correct with that statement. ~~signs~~

................... My head is killing me ............... Oh excuse me, did I say my head, I meant my heart is killing me............ Haha, actually it is a little bit of both that is driving me nuts, but that's quite alright. I don't even know what to say right now......... I want to say something, but I don't know exactly what it is I want to say to make me feel better. Man, is this no fun. I need to be happy, I want to be happy, when it is Bryan, it is suppose to be a given that he will always be happy......... I would like to think that this is true, that I'm also happy, and it is only true when I'm around you! And you is anyone and everyone. Doesn't matter who exactly you is, as long as I'm with someone, I'm happy........... But when it comes down to times like this, not so happy. I feel bad for Joey right now. I'm rooming with him in college. I don't think he is going to be able to put up with me, but hopefully the situation in college will be a slight more different........... Like I said though, I hope. Everytime I think about it though, the more I already miss home......... I think about going off to college and living my different life, I guess, and I already feel like I miss home, like I already miss certain people because I'm not with them. A constant suffocation that I can't stop. That's what is wrong with me. I can't seem to get out of the grips of whatever is it that has a hold on me. Whatever has a hold of me though is pretty darn strong........ I don't like it, but I wouldn't think that anyone would like it. This constant suffocation of mine............ It is taking the life out of me.................

I Don't Know What It Is I Feel............?

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 08:02:39 GMT

~~signs~~

It is that time once again............... The time when I know I feel something inside me that wants to hold on to something....... But this feeling, I don't know quite what it is. Nor do I know what this feeling wants. It has a desire for something........
It is kind of funny....... One of the greatest stories I know came from a video game and its music. Final Fantasy 8......... I would like to think of it as a great love story....... It seriously has moved me and every time I listen to the music from this game........ It feels as though I'm in a totally different place. I place that only exist within my mind. A dream world where everything goes the way I want it to.........
I need to escape this dream world and get back to reality because if I don't soon, I feel as though I will be this way forever.......... By myself........

What an imagination God has given me............. To tell you the truth though............. I couldn't have asked for a better life than the one that I have and will live, no matter what happens in my future, I couldn't have asked for a better life to live..........

All this is completely out of the blue and sometimes I don't even know why I typed half the things I type in here, but I couldn't sleep and saying what I have said made me feel better...............
Good night and Sweet Dreams, love you! bubyes

Let Me Think............

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 06:12:32 GMT

Man oh mighty! Who would have known that track could be so fruity tuity hard. Honestly, TRACK? It is harder than I thought. I'm like sore every single darn night. Kind of making me mad because my first day I did so well, but now I can't do good again. My legs don't have it in them which is fricking retarded because I want to be able to do the long jump some time soon to see how far I can actually jump. All in all though, it is just something to do and that's all I wanted out of it.............. Still wishing a coached the varsity girls soccer team........... I miss those girls. I really do miss them because it was just so much fun to be with them everyday and watching them play, whether they did good or bad, I just liked to watch them out there. ~~signs~~ Kind of funny, when I was with them I looked forward to the end of the day and with track I'm trying to avoid the end of the day. Darn track! But whatever, enough said........

How you doing Bryan.......?

Right now I'm just bored as hell, but for the most part, nothing is wrong. I don't understand why people would think that something is wrong, as if I changed. I think there is some people who don't know me very well and think that they do know me. In ways I guess I have though, if I think about it......... I'm not as nice as I usually am, but still.......... I'm not about to fake being happy very much anymore. I'm kind of just letting my emotions go. Whatever wants to be said, will be said. I'm not going to purpose try to be nice when it is just bullshit. No no no, unless of course you're truly a good friend of mine, duh I'll be nice to you, but if I'm nice to you one day and then mean to you the next, it is probably because the first day I was just trying to be nice to you, then the next day, I don't really care and shit happens then. I don't know, I can't really explain that one, too hard to try and get into detail about it.
Besides, just keep in mind who you're talking to........... you're talking to Bryan. Bryan is very spontaneous. No one knows what's on my fricking mind and nor do I. HEHE!!!!!! But that's how I like it. I don't want to know what on my mind anymore. Screw that shit! No no no, makes you go crazy trying to figure out everything that's on your mind.
What other stupid questions could I ask myself???????
I don't really know of any to ask, because I don't want to ask, so you will just have to ask me yourself por favor?
Good night and Sweet Dreams people, Much Love To You All! ~~*MUAH*~~

Alright, This Might Just Work

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 09:34:32 GMT

HAHAHAHA, such an interesting day......... It started at 3ish when I first woke up......... I felt so refreshed. It was nice. That run last night probably really helped me out alot. So much that I did it again tonight. Just not as far and I had a purpose to run this time. After my poker game with the fellas, I got a little bored and wanted something to do. So I went online and guess who is online. My most interesting buddy Megan...... :)
Yeah well, I first asked Joey if he wanted to go with me to run to Megan's, but he told me no and said he was too tired...... Such a little girl he is......Hehe! But anywho, I then ask Megan if it was alright if I just run over to her house to say hi! She told me no, but when I told Joey what I wanted to do he said YeS! So I did and sara was there with her. Got to get all cuddlie and close with them.......... Psh! Yeah right! Or so I wish that would have happen......... ;) So I got there, scared the crap out of Megan....... Flipping Hilarious! Stay there a while, and then they wanted to go to Billy's house. So I just walked them there and run home. I wanted to run more, but nah. Figured just going running for a little still would help. Also, the fact it being abot 3:30 right now has nothing to do with how tired I am.............. Stupid me!
Alright, good night people! Love you all! ttyl! night night!

Find Something Else To Do.......

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 08:20:48 GMT

Oh man, ~~whew~~ that was fun........... at exactly one in the morning, an hour and a half ago from right now, I just ran a good couple miles....... To Manna's, to Ancona's, to the hospital, back down to Manna's, and then home.......... I was disappointed though. I thought I would see someone I knew, or at least have someone see me, but no one did, also I had an away message up asking for someone to call me, but nope, that didn't happen either. I really did want someone to call, I was in such a running mood that I would have ran anywhere....... poo!

But anywho, that run really did help alot. I'm actually kind of tired right now............ Which is good....... Probably means I won't wake up tomorrow in 12 hours from now, or at least I could hope so....... Or maybe I just won't go to sleep just yet, cause I'm tired, but not sleep tired, just tired.............. DARN! Nevermind, maybe the run didn't work........ GRRRRRRR................!

Alright well anywho, next time I run during the night, someone better be up, someone better see me, or someone just please call......... Well only call if you're bored and want someone to come over....... I guess.

Okie doke, that's all I have to say...... GoOd NiGhT FoLkS!!!!

HeHeHe!

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 08:21:45 GMT

~~signs~~.............. Yea yea yea, nothing new right now. I just can't sleep. It has been exactly two days since I have last slept. Isn't that just peachy. Kind of pisses me off that I can't fall asleep right now.
Mr. CLloyd has made me addicted to Counter Strike. For you that don't know what that is..... it's a video game. I'm pretty bad at it, but it is still fun to play.... even if you are getting your ass kicked over and over. If I keep this up though, me not sleeping, I might become as good as manna is at playing that game. HAHA! Yeah right, nevermind, that's impossible. Although, what is it.......? Impossible is nothing! First person to comment and tell me what that is from......... I'll give you a........ a buck! How about that?

Man, I'm kind of disappointed right now......... I haven't been doing my house very much....... Not like I have given up on it or anything, but I'm upset that I haven't been doing it. How many people do you know that have a small model of their house built in their room...... Betcha no one.... Wonder why that is though........Hmmmmmmmm............

Gosh this weekend was too much......... Friday........ Ehhhhhhhh......! I hate what happen friday...... Damn basketball game, Muck Meadows..... I thought that was hilarious, Kauth wearing a shirt that said that......... HAHA! Just Curious..... Where's George? And finally Dixon with the sign saying conference champs with a check in both football and basketball. NICE! Although, we ended up sharing it with BG and Meadows..... Bogus! I even had a good game against Meadows and still couldn't win....... Although, it was funny, after I scored like 6 points in a row in the third quarter, when there was a sub coming in for me, as I went to sit on the bench, everyone was cheering for me......... awwwwww, thanx! I actually did get the chills after that.......... But the game sucked! GOSH! nevermind enough about the game!

Saturday........... What went on Saturday.......... Ooooohhh! Turnabout..... HAHA, wonder how that slipped my mind.........? I guess Saturday was alright. Went to dinner with Joey and Megan, Chris and Amanda, Kilm and Kirk, it was fun......... Then got to turnabout...... Meh? Yeah, like I said, dances aren't exactly for me........ Nope Nope Nope! HAHA, and to prove that point.... What did I do again.........? Ohhhhhh, I walked home during the dance cause I didn't want to be there. It was snowing. Kind of cool actually, but good gosh I had to take a, sorry krim!, a fruity tuity poo so badly. Sorry, that's nasty, but I'm just saying. I ate so much at dinner that it killed me during that walk home. Boy oh boy! After I got home, went to Klim's with the group and just chilled there. Was looking at this world record book....... WOW! Those books are always interesting. Can't remember what the heck we were looking at, but I know it wasn't pretty.

Sunday.......... Didn't do much, but that was the last night I fell asleep was on sunday, woke up at like 2 I think......... Darn, so that means I have 12 more hrs to stay awake till it has been two days....... Once basketball is over I'm going for my record of the most days not sleeping..... Six days......! Yeah, I think the longest I have heard of was 11 days without sleeping by someone. Yeah, I'll get to that sooner or later...... Don't know how I could prove that to you all...... Guess you would just have to trust me..... Or I would just need someone to stay up with me all that time......... Anyone want to stay up a week with me without sleeping? Anyone? HAHA, yea right! Anywho, back to the day....... Went to Joey's to play some cards, won then lost, poo! Stayed there till like 2:30...... Then I was playing Counter Strike till 7:00 which was when I had to leave for Carthage today! (Monday)........... Got there and had to take a placement test for spanish..... Thank you Joey for telling me the answers! Would have never got through that test without you telling me what was on that......! HAHA! NICE! Yeah, so took that test, picked my classes, met some new people, a really cute girl actually, she lived in the city, her name was Kathleen. She was a soccer player, oh gosh!?!?!?! Yeah, one look at her made me melt.... DAMN GIRL! Anywho, talked to the soccer coach, filled out some crap saying all my achievements with soccer in high school.... BLAH BLAH BLAH! Finished that at like 1 and got home at 2:30, had practice at 4:30. Nothing but lots of running........ WHEW! Finish at 6:30 and was dead tired. Then I ate some food which woke my ass up too much..... I think that's why I'm still awake right now. Or it was that cookie dough ice cream and pop tarts with milk that I had about 30 mins ago that is keeping me up. Doesn't matter, watching a movie to keep me busy and typing for you.

Jamie Fox is such a great actor. Got to love the guy. I'm watching Collateral, with Tom Cruise. Good movie...... Going to watch the terminal next and then the last samurai if I have time to. I mean, it is only 2 right now. No biggy! I'm bored and there isn't much else to do at this time than to watch some movies. Come on now!

Alright so yeah, that's what I got to say tonight....... Tomorrow after school going to watch Kaitlin kick every girl's little butt in track. Heck Yeah Girl! And on Wednesday People! CoNaNt! MSL Championship Game! Be There! Should be a good one...... I hope so! Alright, good night and sweet dreams, talk to you all later....... Till next time! MuCh LoVe! ~~*MwAh*~~ Bubyes!

Boy.........Oh Boy

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 02:35:29 GMT

Alright well this weekend was very eventful and full of many ups and downs. But before I get into any of that stuff, I’m going to talk about a few random things just for fun.

Today I seriously thought was going to blow the big one….. Last night I didn’t even think about going to sleep at all, and quite obviously I didn’t go to sleep. In fact, what I did was take measurements of my house and I made blue prints. That’s right, I made blue prints of my house. Why did I do that…....? Well because I’m going to try and make my house out of wood. I had some wood left over, actually a lot of wood left over, from making my bridge for physics. I made one bridge and didn’t like it so I destroyed and went out to buy a crap load of more wood to make a second bridge. So I just decided that I wanted to make my house out of the left over wood. Good gosh, who does that with their spare time? I mean, at least it will give me something to do at like 3 in the morning, which was the time I was measuring the house. My mom woke up and asked me what the heck I was doing. I just told her to go back to sleep, so she did. The only reason I do stupid things like this though, is to get my mind off of thinking about certain things. It’s a good way to just have your mind think about finishing a project, instead of thinking about things that are going to stress you out, you know? So yeah, give me like a week or two and I should be done with it. I’ll say when I’m done and if you want to see it, it should turn out good with how anal I am about these types of things. That’s why I want to be an architect. Like that’s going to happen though, but I still just want to think like it could happen.

Man, did Saturday suck for the Elk Grove basketball team…… We fruity tuity lost to St. Patrick 63-26…. OCUH! That’s brutal. Who honestly gets beat that badly? Do we suck that much or something, or was that just a really bad game. I’m hoping it was just a bad game. I don’t want that to ever happen again. Good gosh!

Sunday was the super bowl…… Joy! The game was almost fun. I’m just glad the Patriots won, but not like I care too much. I just didn’t want to see the eagles win. Nope, couldn’t have let that one happen. Went to a friend’s house to watch the game. Wasn’t too exciting.

Anywho…….. I want to talk about something that happen to me last night, besides going crazy and wanting to build my house. I was reading over a conversation I had saved with someone, only because I like to re-read the funny things people say, it’s quite amusing……. But yeah, I was reading over the conversation and I could help to notice how amazing the person was. Just so funny, smart, nice, creative, thoughtful, sweet, sensitive, gentle, cute, caring, playful, adorable, flirty, and just overall fantastic. Just such an amazing person to talk to. And all of last night I was thinking about this person and I started to………GRRRRR……. Feel lonely…. I wanted to talk to this person so badly it made me feel all alone. Perhaps because I was all alone. Who the heck is up at 3 in the morning, but I just wanted to talk to this person. Such a bogus way of feeling alone too. The fact that I just stay up all night and I don’t have anyone to talk to because there isn’t anyone awake. I feel alone because I am alone, but only because there isn’t anyone around………. Do you kind of understand that? It bogus that I feel alone when I’m not, but at that certain time I am…….. Sorry…….Confusing moment……..? But I didn’t cry. Nope, I didn’t cry. I held up strong and kept everything in. Not going to ruin my streak of three weeks without crying right now…… Well I didn’t until today….. But that’s for later…… Won’t talk about that right now.

Darn, I have to do a speech on encouragement due tomorrow……. Encouragement? I’m supposed to have two examples of encouragement that I remember throughout my life. All I can think of though is two times when I needed a little more encouragement out of some stupid soccer coach and I would have done a lot better during the soccer season. Then during basketball season all my coach does is yell at me mostly and he wants me to continue to listen to him...... Yeah right, it’s like my mother yelling at me, after a certain amount of yelling at me, I’m just going to tune you out. What the heck. More encouragement is what many people need. I know I try to encourage people to be much more than who they are. Or at least I think I do, or I hope I do. I don’t know, maybe I don’t and I’m just talking out of my butt. Anywho, my topic is encouragement, help me out here….. Encourage me to do well on this encouraging speech…… Yeah right, whatever.

Okie doke, I’m going to talk about what happen today. I swear, I’m shocked that I just didn’t have break down today during physics. I was talking to Tay and she said someone’s name and I just started tearing up and crying. I don’t know why….. Well I do….. But I don’t know why I just started to cry out of nowhere from Tay just saying this one person’s name. Perhaps it was cause the person she mentioned was the person I wanted to talk to all of last night and the name just brought me into tears…… But there had to be more than just that because who cries when they hear someone’s name. I’m just finally confused about a situation and I can’t talk my way out of it without someone else to help me. Who do I go to talk to about this though, because I don’t know who I want to explain all this to? This person just has me going to circles though……. Or at least that’s how I feel about it. I just……….. I just………………. yeah………….
“The first time I ever experienced love…….. it was the first time I met you.” :By me

Turnabout is well…… coming about and I still haven’t decided on whether I want to go or not……. I don’t think those things are for me….. I mean, I haven’t gone to a dance since……….. Only 8th grade…… Long time ago……. The only reason I feel dances aren’t for me is because, one I can’t dance, two because I actually want to be able to DANCE, not just stand there and letting the girl dance around you, no can’t have that, and three ~~signs~~ Well I know what three is, but I’m not going to tell you what three is…. Figure it out for yourself, or try to.

Gosh, and Valentine’s Day is coming up soon too…… What to do, what to do? Teddy bear, roses, card, love letter, or all. I don’t know what I’m going to do for that, “Special Someone.” Oh well, it will just give me something else to think about during the night. Joy! Just what I need, more of something to think about.

Geeezzz, for something that was suppose to be a simply LJ has now turned into a fruity tuity essay. Gosh Darny……. HEHE, well then, funny moment…….. I was told I’m a pro at typing LJs. It was kind funny when this person told me that. I was like, “I’m not really sure if that’s a GOOD thing? I mean honestly, a PRO at LJs, hmmmmm.......... not something that I would ever care to admit to someone, "You know, I'm a pro at writing in my LJ...............?" Nope, doesn’t work for me. She went on telling me she was trying to say I was good at writing……… HAHA! Yeah right, I’m sure……. HEHE! Silly monkey 

Alright well I’m pretty sure I got through everything I wanted to talk about and more. If I have any other thoughts I’m sure I’ll continue to type more, but for right now……. GOOD GOSH I’M DONE…….. Alright, I’m going to watch some girls go play soccer now…….. Even though they kind of aren’t that great at soccer, I just go to watch girls that happen to be playing soccer…….. HEHE! Gosh darny, have a wonderful night peoples, ttyl, love you all, bubyes

Just Blahing Away, That's All

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 08:05:58 GMT

So yesterday finals have finally started. And the day wasn't that bad actually to tell you the truth. I got what I expected me to get. So far a C in Psychology and an A in Accounting. Today I have my math final, piece of cake, or so I hope. I need to Ace it to get an B, and then friday I got physics which from what my buddy Joey told me, "it's very time consuming." That's just lovely.
SOOOOOOOOOOOO............... Bryan, what have you been up to lately? Oh gosh, the same crap....... kinda. This past weekend was fun for the most part. Saturday and Monday had two games each day in Rockford. Didn't get home till very late and woke up for the day both at like 7. Good gosh! On Saturday after my games though, went to see a movie. Coach Carter and it wasn't that bad. I didn't think I was going to like it, but yea, whatever, no comment on the movie. I just went to hang out with the coolest people ever! haha, perhaps. The Sunday went to hang out with them again, watch a movie, and then went to coach Joey's indoor soccer team. It was kind of amusing, for the most point I guess.
Oh man, today sucked tho after finals. I had practice and I got hit in the jaw with an elbow. Made me take a huge chunk out of my tongue. I'm sooo hungry right now. I haven't been able to eat anything cause it hurts too fruity tuity much. I tried eating a sandwich, and I was able to, but good gosh, took me about an hr to finish it. Probably would have taken me 3 minutes to eat it. But a frickin hr, come on! Too much of a hassle. I'll just starve. Done it before for 4 days, I think I'll be able to manage one day.
Anywho........ I'm quite confused right now. I seriously wish I didn't like people sooo much, or get to like people sooooo quickly. If you were to talk to me for about 30 minutes, after those 30 minutes I bet you that I like you by the end of it. Depending on a few things though........ yea well good gosh, so sorry. But honestly, I like sooo many girls it isn't even funny. Kind of pissing me off actually. But that's quite alright. If it was bothering that badly, I would do something about it, but since I'm not, it must not bother me that much. Who knows, I don't know. Grrrrrr.........
Hehe, I'm in such a good mood. I don't understand why though. It is kind of weird. Cause I have always wondered if I become happy because others make me happy, or simply because I make myself happy. I've always wondered that. Cause I must say, it is pretty hard to make me truly happy. I'm pretty much a hopeless case and just is always sad.
What makes a person happy? We all know what makes a person sad, but what about happy, cause I honestly don't know, well for myself at least. Figuring out what makes others happy is kind of easy or not easy for me. At least I think so. People are usually happy around me. Which is weird. How does a person who is sad all the time, make others around him happy? Gosh I could sit here and ask all these questions and just think for hours, but you know, I can't cause I don't feel like typing that much anymore. HAHA, see this is where I tell myself I need a girlfriend to take my mind off all this crap. Good gosh, how great of a boyfriend would I be. Honestly, if I think about all this crap so much, just think about how much I would think about my girlfriend and her feelings and emotions and need and wants and desires and goals and whatever! haha, yea right, nevermind, I wouldn't be a good boyfriend, I would be that scary guy that girls look at and is like, "Why is that kid so scary? What does he do all day? Does he have a life?" I don't know what the hell you would say, but close enough.
Alright, well whatever, gosh darny, here I thought this was going to put me to sleep but I'm still no even close to being tired. Poo. Oh well, I still most go and try to sleep at least. Yay! Joy! Whatever! hehe! good night and sweet dreams, luv u, bubyes

Hmmmmm........... Well Isn't That Just Interesting.

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 22:32:51 GMT

Is there a point to lying?

For the sake of conversation, is lying a okay thing to do. I mean, is lying wrong when you just want to have something to talk about to someone?

I'm not going to lie. I know I do this all the time. Just to start talking away at something that might not even be true, but you know, it is just something to talk about. Is it right of me to do something like that though. I mean as long as it is not to an extreme lie. I mean, they are just little things that are made up to talk about something.

Okay, to the point of this. Now as long as I don't cross over to the extreme lying line like saying something like I'm hot when I'm really not, or smart when I'm really dumb, or my family is dead but really not to get some pity. You know like really LYING about something. Why would someone lie about something that they know will hurt someone if that person were to ever figure out the lie? Puzzling question, isn't it?

I know I've hurt some people making some REAL lies to them, and I'm sorry for that. I finally know how you feel when you are REALLY lied to. It is no fun, I'll tell you that much. And that is what I've been try to get at. I have been lied to. The minute I figured it out too, my heart just dropped. Seriously, I thought that something was really wrong with me cause my heart just shattered.

So I ask again, is there a point to lying? Is lying a good thing or bad?

~~signs~~ Alright well....... I don't know, I have got a game to go to soon, so I might talk some more after the game, if I'm not tired that is. Staying up night and night and night again is very bad for you. HAHA, would have never guessed that, but trust me. Don't do it! Alright people, ttyl, love you, bubyes!

This Is Where I Shall Wait......... Simply Waiting Here......... For You........ Till The Day I Die.

Wed, 29 Dec 2004 10:17:15 GMT

I'm Alone Here..................................!

Can Someone Please Help Me?

Here I sit on my couch.............crying. Crying because I feel so ALONE!
But its not like I can say that I'm the only one that feels alone. More than half the world probably feels alone. What makes a person feel that way? I mean, I'm sure there is someone to go to that will talk to you, that is if you try to look for him/her. Now what if the person has problems looking for people? What if the person has trouble talking to people? Then what? I don't know what you do. Could someone help me answer my own questions please?

Now see its not like I do have problems looking for people or have trouble talking to people, but it seems like soooo many people are really really busy. Or I just really don't like you and your name hasn't come to my mind, you don't count as a person to go to. Actually, to make this more clear to some people. I'm not talking about guys here. Shit, I know I could go to a guy friend of mine anytime, but there is a problem with that. I don't trust many of them with the feelings that I would want to tell them. There is only one guy that I would actually say everything on my mind to and that is Chris. Only guy that I would tell everything to.

Now see though, I don't really want to go to him because explaining feelings with a guy..........? No, can't really do it, even if I'm able to do it. I want to express myself to a girl. Because truth be told, girls do have many more feelings I say than guys. Girls will actually care too. Girls have soooo many other qualities, which make them soooooo much better than guys. This is what I think at least. I'm sure half the world would agree with me............ I wonder why?

~~signs~~ I'm not asking for a lover. I'm not asking for a girlfriend. I'm not even going to ask for a friend. I'm asking just for someone to talk to and will listen and care. Now see, those type of people we usually call are friends, but I'm not asking you to be my friend. I just want you to listen. Heck, anything else beyond that is an extra bonus for me. If I get to have you as company, its all my pleasure. If we end up snuggling, or cuddling or whatever, omg I think I'm in heaven. If we end up making out for hrs or just one single kiss............ well I'll be damned, you're probably the first ............... but if we fall in love................ That is the one single greatest thing a girl could ever give me and I'll want to be with you for the rest of my life and never let you go.

So for whatever one of those you want to be........ Listener, friend, girlfriend, lover, or whatever........ This Is Where I Shall Wait......... Simply Waiting Here......... For You........ Till The Day I Die.

What to do?

Wed, 08 Dec 2004 08:07:28 GMT

What is there to do when you're extremely bored and don't feel like sleeping. Honestly though, who the hell doesn't sleep at a time like this. Quite obviously I don't. I continue to type and type and type some more even after already typing one of these. Gosh, right now I'm just chillin outside on my roof. Such a horrible night though. Too many damn clouds out here. Which makes even the sky boring to look at. All I see is plane here and plane there. Too many damn planes in the air. I wonder how it is that planes don't hit one another very often or at all. Shit, I know if I were up there I would just about crap in my pants. That's why I don't fly. No, but seriously, I'm looking around right now and I see about a good 17 planes right now, grated the area in which they are all in is probably about 5,000 some miles. I would still be scared of not being able to see where the hell I'm going and crashing into something.
Anywho, thank god for ESPN. I wouldn't be able to survive without ESPN. Sports all day, sports all night, its amusing that I could probably recite their reports, without any fright. Boy oh boy.......... I want to go running. I really do, but after this day, I'm going to be dead. I have to run the 12 min today in gym, then I have to lift weights, then after that I have practice, and this all is going to be done without any sleep. How pleasant. "Mom............ You wanna call me outta school today, I'm not feelin too good...... ~~trying to force myself to throw up~~ BLAH!" It could work you know. Although the thing is, I just want to miss is lifting. That's all. I hate lifting. I said lifting is what caused me to stop growing. Seriously, people ask me why I'm not as tall as my dad. Well once I started lifting weights, I stopped growing. It is a good conclusion too. Cause when you lift the weight, you're putting more force on your bones perhaps causing them to not be able to grow very much.................... I don't know. I'm just pulling things out of my butt. Eeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................... Some please give me something to type about for future moments like this cause I know that they are going to happen just about every other day.
Heck I started typing this at 1:20 in the morning, now its 1:45 in the morning. I've been sitting here for 25 mins trying to think of something interesting to talk about. Not saying me just typing away about nothing isn't interesting. It probably isn't very interesting, but it is just something to read. Something you could comment on and say how much of a frickin loser I am and tell me that I should be sleeping at this time and what not and whatever.
I feel like doing my physics homework right now. Its ashame that I don't have it with me though. I'm pretty good with numbers. I love numbers actually. Math and Science are probably my two best classes. Now you wouldn't know that with the grades I'm getting, but that's only cause I don't do my homework. Like take my math class that I'm in right now. My homework grade is somewhere below 30% maybe, but my test and quiz grade is 92% or something above 90%. It pisses my teacher off too that I do that. Do I care, yea kind of, but am I going to do anything about it, probably not. See I've talked about this before, I need night school. If the teachers really wanted to see me become successful, allow me to be able to take night school. I would blow my teachers away with the grades I would be able to get. Heck, I probably would be a straight A student............ Whoa Whoa Whoa! Alright fine, I won't go that far cause I probably wouldn't be a straight A student, but I would be doing better than how I'm doing right now.
Alright so its 2 right now and I'm back inside. Shall I draw, do origami, play poker online, play video games, watch a movie, write a poem, sit here and think, play dress up with new clothes, clean upstairs, search the frig for food, play with my neon lights and go into lala land, re-arrange my room, re-arrange all of upstairs, listen to music, or who knows. Gosh, I have many options. What to do, what to do? Shit, I forgot one thing, I could read a damn book, those thingys always have a way of putting my ass to sleep. I think that's exactly what I'm going to do. Now out of the collection of books that I have, what do I want to read. Harry Potter collection, black beauty, or a series of books like rumble fish, outsiders, and that was then, this is now. I like my chances with the outsiders. That's a good book and I think I'm going to read it again. "BRYAN!?!?! ARE YOU ON DRUGS? You're actually going to read a book?" Haha, that's funny. As if I'm retarded, in which I kind of am cause I'm talking to myself. Haha, yes I'm going to read a book in hope that it helps me go to sleep.
So once again, good night and sweet dreams, LuV YoU! night night

WeLl ToDaY ReAlLY SuCkEd!

Wed, 08 Dec 2004 06:15:21 GMT

Today I just started off in a bad mood and never was able to be in a good mood. Last night, I couldn't sleep at all...... But that's nothing new, except this time I just decided to not go to sleep at all. I'm so smart. So yea, once I wake up I wanted to get a little dressy than usually, nothing big, but just something nice to wear. Wearing nice clothes usually puts me in a good mood, so you know I had to because I wanted to be in a better mood. Didn't matter that I did wear the nice clothes. I was still pretty much in a piss poor mood.
So get to school, thinking and hoping that my day would get better. Nope, why should my day get any better than it already is. No No NO! My second period class, we had a test, I didn't really remember that we did, didn't study (but I did just stay up the night......... WHAT THE HELL!). Yea, I basically failed that thing and I was already getting like a low C in that class so this F should make it a good solid D. That's just great! What was kind of funny during the test though, our test was one of the work sheets she gave us earlier, so you know, during the test I decided to pull that sheet out and basically just cheat. Not going to lie, but that was only half the test..... Bummer! So all this just put me in a much better mood....................... Yeah right!?!?!
During the day I also had to swim. Now see, I love swimming. I really do. Swimming is something that I have always loved to do. It's fun, graceful, and requires lots of energy and endurance. Now see that being said, swimming wasn't my problem. Its the people who swim with me that was the problem. I swear, I wanted to beat someones ass in that pool today. I'm shocked I didn't drown with the way those stupid people were being in the pool. So basically drank needly the whole frickin pool and give me a frickin headache. That's always great.
After school of this stupid day I had basketball practice. Now see, everyday I have practice so I mean its no big deal. Actually, basketball was the high point of my day. It was kind of funny. My coach always tells me, "Grueneberg, your only problem is, is that you think and move too quickly which causes you to lose control." Yeah, I'm not going to argue with that. Its true. So today, my mind was on crack. Every move I made was soooooo frickin slow, and guess what, I played much better. Shit, I went 19 for 20 at the free throw line where sometimes I air ball the damn thing. The nerves just get to me on that damn line, but not today.
So after practice I wanted to go out with some of my friends. I went home, took a shower, got back to school, watched my friend's little sister perform in gymnastics, and went to watch the girls varsity basketball team play. So once I got back to school, my day was brighting up. Met some girls there that I just love oh so much, I really do, not just saying that. Talked to them, till my friends got there and then everything kind of went to shit, but hey, thats okay. After his sister did her thing we went off to hersey to the girls game (by the way, no offense to the girls team, but you girls are pretty bad, don't know if that was just a bad game, but damn!). I swear, I didn't say a damn thing the entire time I was there. I'm not saying that my friends cause anything bad, but they didn't help much
So now I'm here, typing about this day and I can tell you this. I'm going to be in a bad mood tomorrow. I just know it. Isn't that just great! ~~signs~~................. I just want to leave home and go to Georgia right now. Haha, I'm really thinking about it too. Knowing me though and with how much problems that would cause, I know I won't.
ARG! haha, oh poo. I know I have more on my mind right now, but I don't really care to talk about what's on my mind. Kristi! I'm coming over this weekend, don't know when, but I don't care what you say, I'm coming over, haha. Nothing you can do about it. Well, besides saying NO! But how you going to say no to such a nice, sweet, loving, funny, cute, smart, needing guy such as me, huh? Haha, yeah nevermind, I hear the no coming without me even asking you. Psh.............. fine! haha!
Alright, going to sleep, prehaps.............. Good night and sweet dreams, sleep tight, luv u, night night, bubyes. ~!MUAH!~

Spring Cleaning During Winter?

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 07:13:25 GMT

Have you ever had the urge to just clean your room for no reason what so ever. You look at your room and it isn't even dirty, but you just feel like cleaning it still. Have you ever had that urge at midnight on a school night. Well you know where this is going, cause I just had that urge. Except I think I took that urge to the max. I just got done cleaning, dusting, and vacuuming my room. I just finished sorting my closet into sleeveless basketball shirt, sleeveless soccer shirts, normal t-shirts, sweat shirts, pants, jeans, and dress pants. That's all on the top rack. On the bottom I have soccer jerseys, normal dress t-shirts, real dressy t-shirts, dress sweat-shirts, dress shirt-jacket, and dress coats. Then on the floor, omg! I have seven pairs of shoes all in order. Keep in mind as well all of these clothes are color coordinate. Talk about a person with too much time on his hands, or perhaps just a person who felt like being real anal about everything and wanting something to be anal about. Well I'll tell you, I choose the right thing to be anal about to give me the something to do. Took me a while to do all this.
Anywho, how was my wonderful weekend.......... Well you know what? It couldn't have gone any better. Don't know why, but it just was one very happy weekend. Yeah, I don't have much to say right now. Everything with my room kind of took all the energy out of me.
Since I don't have the energy I usually do to type a nice long essay for you to read, I'm going to cut this one short. I really should be going to sleep anyways. I'll need all the energy I can get to go to school in about seven hrs.................... Yeah right, I don't need any energy to go to school. It's always what I have after school that I need energy for, but anyways that's not the point. I should be going to sleep now. Alright, good night and sweet dreams all. LuV YoU! Night Night!

"I love her so much... if only she knew... she might, just maybe, love me back"

Sun, 05 Dec 2004 02:16:44 GMT

You know, for a person who has been extremely patient and has waited basically to what has seemed like a life time, it would be nice to finally be with someone. I have a feeling that my basketball season is going to go exactly like my soccer season, except the win column will just have a much greater number of wins. Although, that isn't quite what I'm talking about. See, for some of you this is going to sound familiar. Winning means nothing to me, it really doesn't mean crap. The reason for that is simply because I have no one in the world to enjoy it with. I've been having problems trying to enjoy things lately. I need to be able to share that moment with someone, yet when I look around, there is no one. Hey! That's okay though, I'm not nearly in the most lonely mood I've been in. I just thought I would talk about this. Haha..... I must laugh about this though only cause Megan, your the only one that would know most of this only cause I happen to always talk to you when I'm feeling lonely. Basically because your the only one stupid enough to be online around like 1-3 in the morning. Thanx for being there for me. Luv you Megan.
But talking about people that I love so oh much. A girl by the name of Jacy would have to take the cake. That is because she probably would actually take the whole cake anyways, not saying anything of it though..........hehe, JUST KIDDING! I LoVe YoU! I really don't think I would be the person I am without you being in my life. You have made me the happiest person in the world by just talking to me and being the greatest friend I've ever had. You mean so much to me and one of these bloody days, I'm just going to leave home and just drive down there to see you.
Gosh I'm bored. Nothing new there. Wonder what everyone is doing right now. I'm one of those people who never call someone, ever! I think it is cause I'm such a patient person that I just wait for someone to call me or it could be just cause I don't really know if my own friends really want to hang out with me..... I'm not saying that to be mean or anything, but that's just how I feel sometimes. Like no one wants me around. Which probably isn't true, I've just lead myself to believe that and have no reason to think other wise.
Oh, like I predicted, we won our game against Hersey. Piece of cake....... Ain't no one going to beat us. Then once a team does beat us I'm just going to be like...... That's bullshit. It is the Ref's fault we lost or some stupid thing like that. But that isn't going to happen anyways.
Gosh, I need to learn to not type so damn much. I'm sure the few people who actually read these are going to get tired of reading them just cause they're so damn long. Heck, I wouldn't want to read something like this constantly. I need to get a life. Get out of this house. Have some fun. FUN? What the heck is fun? I have no idea what that word means anymore. I haven't had fun in a pretty long time. I'm not talking about the fun I have of just sitting on the bench during basketball games. No no no, not that fun. Cause you know, that is pretty frickin fun, oh yeah! But the type of fun where I can't stop laughing. And not that fake laughing where you laugh just to make the person feel like they're actually funny, when inside your head you're thinking, "WHAT AN IDIOT!" Yeah, I have those moments many times. When you have the guy friends I have who think they're funny, you kind of just go with the flow.
I would love to know what there is to do right now. I want something to do. I'm glad I started this livejournal thingy because I wouldn't have anything to do if it wasn't for this. Be able to talk forever. I would just type for as long as I possibly could, but it would never end then. That being said, I think I should end this one right now. My head has been cleared out pretty well for now. Till like 3 in the morning where I start thinking again then I'll have to type another essay. Luv you all, Bubyes!

Bored outta my mind and can't sleep......... GO FIGURE!

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 07:24:57 GMT

Hmmmmmm........... I got pretty bored at 12:40 during the night and felt like doing something. This was the first thing that came to mind. Thought that it would be a good way to get my mind clear of everything that goes on or that I just think of. Not much goes on in my life, therefore all I really want to say in here is what I'm thinking about.
So since I really haven't done one of these things before, I don't really know what to talk about. I just don't want to talk about what I'm feeling quite yet only because what I'm feeling is just very personal. Of course the whole point of this was to get my personal thoughts out, but you know I've got to warm up to doing this first. So let me run my mouth a little before I actually start telling you all sorts of things that you probably never knew about me.
Obviously, one of the main reason I can't sleep and I'm sure the same thing goes for most people, but I can't sleep simply because I feel just too lonely to sleep. It like saddens me to the point where I just don't want to go to sleep. Boredom has to do with it as well, but you know, it is frickin midnight and what is a person still doing up anyways. I should be sleeping which would solve my problem of being bored.
Gosh, I really wish I had someone to talk to right now. Anyone would be nice. Honestly, I really wish I could talk to certain people right now, but you know the saying, "beggers can't be choosers." Yeah well I'm begging and I kind of can't choose who I want to talk to. Usually there is someone stupid enough to be online right now. Although, that is to say that I probably wouldn't talk to them anyways only because one of them is a guy and I'm not good with talking to other guys with my own feelings. Haha... Don't trust my feelings in a guy's hands. Hmmmm..... Sounds like something a girl would most likely say..... No, I'm not gay! So I really wish I could talk to a girl right now. I feel like I'm just BLAHING right now. Typing just to type. No purpose in what I'm typing, but I'm just typing anyways. Sign of loneiness?........ Perhaps, I may have no one else to say anything to or perhaps I just like hearing myself while I type all this. I really don't know.
Lets see...... I think I'll just talk about myself. Hmmmmmmm......... What to say. I'm about 6 ft and 165 pounds, give or take 5 pounds daily because I don't have the most healthiest eating habits. I would like to think...... Actually no, I do have a very nice slender and athletic body. Comes from playing soccer and basketball for a good part of my life. Oh, just to tell you, I am pretty damn good at both sports. Soccer I just kick everyones ass in.....HAHA! That's right! Nah, I'm just playing. Basketball on the over hand, well when I was younger I seemed to be a really good player. Alex, a friend of mine who was always good at basketball, and I were the top two players I would like to think when we all were young. Everyone just seemed to catch up and go beyond me now, while Alex still shines higher than the rest of us. I swear that kid lives to play basketball. It is nice seeing him do so well in the sport he loves so much. Anywho, back to me....hehe, all about me. I'm Puerto Rican and German. I don't really look spanish at all. I'm just Puerto Rican. I like to brag that I'm Puerto Rican too. I LOVE being able to say "I'm not white!" Since I am a basketball player and the saying, "White man can't jump." Well you know what, I'm not white. Thick black hair, which comes from my mother, and blue eyes, which comes from my father. I love my mother, I really do. I can talk to her about mostly anything. It is nice to have such a strong bond with my mother. I know she feels the same because she and I can't really stand talking to my father. He's not the most sociable person, that is unless he's drunk off his ass. I tell you, he can drink like no other. It is kind of funny what he says too when he's drunk. Starts talking about how everything that is around us is a toy of the devil's or something like that. I don't really know, don't want to get into it. So what do I do most of the time? Well I pretty much am here at home. Mainly doing nothing and just relaxing on my bed, probably thinking about something cause I have nothing better to do with my teenage life than think. Now the question that comes from all this is, What do I think about? For me to answer that question would probably be 20 times longer than this. That's pretty damn long and I have the energy to type that much right now, but you know, it is a little late. That is the point of this hopefully to help me type everything that I'm think about. Just to tell you though, my question is wrong. It isn't what am I thinking about. Most of the time it is more like who am I thinking about. Just to tell you. Most my feelings come from thinking about someone. My favorite spot to think would have to be right outside my window on my roof. It is such a wonderful thing to be able to go onto your roof and look up at the nightly sky and just think and clear your mind. I swear, I spend at least 30 mins up to 4 hours on my roof sometimes. Sometimes I can make some pretty good poems from it or I draw pictures of the images I get from being on my roof.
Okie doke, I not even tired yet, but I must get some sleep. I've got a basketball game tomorrow at Hersey. Don't worry, we will win. Our team is too good to lose...... I hope! Alright, good night and sweet dreams, night night